You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize