proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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