I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
