No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
