Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize