It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
