Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
