Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
