I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
