Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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