If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
