i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
