the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Who did Billy Mays play for?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
