your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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