I think I won the penis lottery.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
