Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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