so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
