he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
