k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize