Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
