how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
