My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
