drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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