I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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