we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
