I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I need moral support for this bender
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
