somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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