Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize