I want to have your abortion
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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