so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
