Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I know her cup size but not her name....
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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