Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
