Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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