she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize