I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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