Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
