I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
