what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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