my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
