you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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