If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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