I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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