Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize