K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
