I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
