I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
