so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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