i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Randomize
