Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
