just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
