can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
