Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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