So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
