and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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