love makes seman taste better
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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