We're facebook friends in real life
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
