Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
