I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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