Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
