Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
