I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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