This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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