I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
