Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
