i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I miss vodka workout Fridays
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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