While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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