So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
