Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize