i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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