my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
