Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
