So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Randomize
