Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
