the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
