he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
