Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
