I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Randomize
