There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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