Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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