I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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