I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
