No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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