ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
