Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
