Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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