Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
