Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
