I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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